Your shadow looks perfect
One solid color
No distinguishable features or imperfections
Just the shape of a person with the light behind them
The shape of a person who could know as much or as little as anyone else
But you would never know
Just by looking at your shadow

The wind blows and your shadow does not move
And when it’s time to go home
There it goes with you
And there it will always be
Walking with you
Silently

But what does a shadow have to do with anything?
Of course it means that you have mass
That a light is shining at you
That you are blocking that light
The shadow is the result of light being blocked

And so with a shadow in your soul what shall that mean?
If there is darkness
Then if course
Evidently
There is an absence of light

And as the day turns into night
Your shadow is no longer seen
You are consumed by the darkness around you
Until you step into the glow of a street light
And there the darkness will be,
Visibly coming from you again
There on the side walk for everyone to see

Your darkness is showing
And no
I don’t mean your shadow.

Friday March 28, 2014 1:56PM

I couldn’t quite manage to get the sentences out I felt them forming as tears beneath my eyelids
It’s easy to say that once you’re there you will be happy
But what it takes to get there could be the hardest journey of your life
In fact,
I’m quite certain that it will be
You see,
Life has a way of beating you down just so that you will get back up
And eventually when you get up for that final time,
You will be exactly where you’re meant to be
At exactly the right time
Isn’t that crazy?
And to think, all of these mistakes I am ashamed of and have just
Swept under the rug,
Tucked neatly in the closet,
Tried to disguise,
Made myself sick over,
Cried about,
Beat myself up for,
(You get the picture…)
Are not for the purpose of destroying me,
But for the purpose of building me up

I know
It’s hard
Because the words burn as they come in contact with your tongue
And really
All you want to do is to forgive and forget
Forgive yourself and forget all of the things that you think you have done to dishevel your life
And these things that sit at the bottom of my soul
Waiting to be stirred up
So that they can be felt again
So that I will breathe new life into them
So that they can float to my brain and make me beat myself up again
Well I don’t guess I will ever forget them
Because I don’t guess that I am supposed to
I don’t guess that’s the point of having gone through them
But boy,
They still hurt me
And I can’t wait for the day that I can finally say, proudly,
That I am no longer a victim of myself.

March 5, 2014 10:23pm

Hey
I’m okay
I didn’t think I would be
But I am
I feel great
Yes sometimes that worried feeling hits the pit of my stomach again
And I don’t know why, but it’s because I worry about the future
Or— more so, I am scared of the unknown
Like most people are when they don’t know where they are headed
But I am learning to trust myself
Trust God
And nothing else
Just to know that things will work out and that’s all I really need to know
Because this is life—
That’s the way it goes
You won’t ever know anything for certain about the future
But these are some things you can rest assuredly knowing:
There will be good days
There will be bad
There will be clouds, but the sun always comes back again
You are loved
By someone
I know it’s true
You are who you allow yourself to be
You are YOU
There will always be someone who has something better
But be grateful
There is always someone who has it worse
And while you lie in your bed
Thinking life is a curse
You should smile
And laugh
Because life has a way of changing things from the worst
Rest your head on your pillow and think of all the nice things
You saw in your day
Or will do in your week
Because
Hey
I’m okay
Maybe now it’s time to stand on my own two feet.

March 5, 2014 12:39pm

December 29, 2014 1:38am

December 29, 2014 1:38am

February 3, 2014 1:09pm

February 3, 2014 1:09pm

Listen to what your heart tells you at 1am when you’re lying alone in the darkness
Listen to the darkness
I don’t know what you will hear
You may hear
your heart breaking quietly- hearing each crack like someone carefully walking across a frozen pond only to have it begin to snap and pop beneath them
You may hear
Silence
For the first time in your day
Lying there entangled in your comforter and bed sheets only hearing the hum of outside noises on the other side of your bedroom window
You may hear
The one you let go clawing their way back into your brain like that itch you can’t scratch
You may hear
What you don’t want to hear
The lies you tell yourself
Or replaying lies from someone else
Or perhaps it’s not lies that rub you the wrong way but
The truth
Either way, darling, there’s something the darkness is trying to tell you.

November 6, 2013 1:10AM

I’ve gone through some things in my life— some of them I’ve put myself through. And I am still working my way out of these things. I am closer to the end of the tunnel than I was months ago, but I still struggle with over coming insecurities and needs to fill voids with things other than God. I’ve found the need to be more independent and self assuring than I have been in the past. Because of this, it has lead me to terminating relationships or just simply removing myself from the temptation of not truly being present— locked away in my own world.

This is fairly personal so I don’t wish to expound on it more than necessary, but some people just don’t seem to understand my need for doing this. Some people take it as an attack to them- an offensive gesture from me that I do not like them. However, to me, it has nothing to do with that. It has to do with my need to think about myself for once. My need for moving forward from past mistakes. My need to stop pleasing others and putting myself aside while somehow thinking it will make me feel better to do so.

Yesterday, I had to remind myself over and over that I don’t owe anyone anything. I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I don’t owe anyone my story.

The only person I owe is myself. I owe myself a time to heal— to change.

I owe myself a chance.


Sept. 13, 2013 10:20AM

Now remember how bad that hurt and do not do it again
Don’t stand close to that flame, though it is warm
Because before you know it, you will be engulfed
It is not what you need to be warm
To be warm, you can lie in the sunshine
To be warm, you can hug a friend
You do not need the flame
The flame burns you
Your life is charred from touching it so often
And your heart is scarred from its heat
You do not need the flame to be warm
To be warm,
You need to be free.

August 14, 2013 2:00pm

June 26, 2013 11:03 AM 

June 26, 2013 11:03 AM 

July 11, 2013   1:05pm

July 11, 2013 1:05pm